No matter who stands around you, no matter who is in another place talking about you — that is not a good thing.
I want to make a point of saying this, because nobody else seems to say it plainly anymore. No matter who stands around you, no matter who is in some other place talking about you — that is not a good thing. It never was. It doesn't matter how clever the room thinks it is, or how close the circle feels. Talking about someone who isn't there to speak for themselves is not a good thing.
The only time you should hear about other people is when they're talking about themselves to you directly.
The only time you should hear about other people is when they're talking about themselves to you — directly. Their own words, in their own voice, about their own life. Anything else is borrowed, and borrowed words about someone else always get bent on the way.
I learned this the hard way, on tour and off it. You hear a version of yourself coming back through three mouths, and it's never you. It's smaller. It's louder. It's wrong in the places that matter. And by the time it reaches you, everyone has already decided who you are.
If you ever need to know answers, go to the source itself and get the correct answer.
If you ever need to know answers about someone — what they meant, what they did, what they chose — go to the source itself and get the correct answer. Don't take the second-hand version. Don't take the version that suits the person telling it. Go to the person. Ask them. Listen to them.
Rumors are not a good thing. If you hear someone talk about someone else, tell them to stop. It's not right.
Rumors are not a good thing. They never were. And if you hear someone talk about someone else — really talk about them, carry them round the room like currency — tell them to stop. Say it plainly. It's not right. You don't have to be cruel about it. You just have to say: stop. That's not ours to pass around.